I am numb.
I cannot feel any hope or love at this very moment.
Everything inside is just empty and hollow.
Why does this happen every single time without fail? It is becoming seemingly predictable enough yet I have no control over what is going to happen.
All I can do is listen – though repetitive, I still listen to what I already know. It’s just her way to vent out anger. However, I know that whatever advice I might give will fall on deaf ears. Stubbornness and the will to defend herself overpowers her sensibilities.
He is just too quick to make assumptions therefore resulting to short-tempered shouting war among them. Over and over again it will be of the same reason. The cycle never ends – yet nobody can make a change to it. I am at point blank.
The only thing I can do is to get away from it all. I hide myself- living in vain of all this mess. I resort into other activities to keep my mind off things. I have also learnt the ability to shut off my mind to a lot of unpleasant things. I respond to the positive ones and neglect the negatives simply by avoiding it. This is not the best solution, yet I do not have the courage enough to stand up for any one of the two. I find fault and rights of both that they simply fail to see with their own eyes. Why do you have to put me through this? Why do you have to let me see what you are going through? Why can’t you just pretend to live a happy life just for me? One is an idealist, one is a realist. They balance out each other’s personality yet can make life a living hell when things go awry. They were the ones who read me fairy tales to sleep and now looking at what they’ve been going through, I can clearly see that they only serve the purpose of feeding naïve souls with false hopes.
I am stuck in the middle between two people I highly respect and I try not to judge any of them. But when faced in such a situation, I am thrown off balance. One side whom I listen to too much and the other none of. I wish I could be in denial instead. I wish I could disappear so badly. But on the other hand, I ponder if I could be the cause of it all. I wonder that what I did might have affected the outcome of what is happening right now. Could I have done something better that will cause to avoid these happenings in the future? I might not be with them always- in fact, I haven’t been myself at all for the past few months. My soul is empty. I don’t feel love, and I certainly do not deserve receiving any. There is still a tiny glimmer of faith that is merely enough to keep me moving on.